I need some help

Today at 10:45 I have an endo appointment and boy do I need it.  With this pregnancy progressing my basal requirements have skyrocketed and my morning ratios are crazy (3:1).  But I think the rest of the day is following suit.  My sugars were crazy this weekend and no matter how many times I went through the Bolus Wizard on my pump to "Correct" the high - the insulin it would recommend would do nothing and I would have to add my own guess of how much to correct with.  One to two hours later nothing.  So I would manual bolus some more and finally by about 4 or 5 hours later I would see it come down.  But what was really frustrating was that by that point it would be time for the next meal or I'd be hungry for a snack (even just cheese with crackers and grapes) and so I'd have to bolus for that and I would still not see the sugars come down.  So frustrating.  So So So frustrating. 

I can't wait to sit down with my very wise diabetes educator nurse and my endo.  They are pretty wise and I know they take a look at my downloads and check out the graphs and help me out. 

The basement project is well underway.  So much has already happened.  We sealed off the walls from the inside.  An unnecessary step since we will also be digging the outside of the foundation and sealing it from the outside but still it makes us feel better.  We had some damp insulation a couple months ago and we wanted to find out the problem and fix it before we close up the walls with drywall and move furniture down there.  So yeah.  Hubby and Noah's Apko have been working hard.  Today hubby had some work lined up for his business so The Basement Project is on hold for a couple days.  And that's totally great too - because business goes on and then money comes in.  The joys of owning a business.  Some time off here and there where you can take care of your own stuff.

I'm also having a hard time finding foods that don't spike me.  It seems this placenta doesn't like me.  It is so stubborn.  And getting more and more stubborn by the day.  Ugh.  I have been changing ("upping") my basals almost every other day.  It's crazy.  Frustrating because you have to wait a few mornings to make sure they work and by then you already have to change it again. 

Love being pregnant still.  I am trying to keep a positive attitude and keep it all in stride.  But I am also concerned.  I don't want to sit back while my A1C rises.  (I'm curious what it will be today... remember, I was going for the gold?  - I'm pretty sure I'll settle for silver at this point.  ;)  I want to stay on top of it and be proactive with it. 

And hubby isn't sure how else to encourage me.  I can see the concern in his eyes when I tell him that I can't get my sugars down or that I'm not sure what else to do.  He tries to be supportive but truthfully he's concerned too.  I am carrying a baby and so any of these variations and spikes may or may not affect the little baby.  And that is constantly on my mind and his too.  Just when you figure it all out and the basals and your ratios are good, the placenta sticks its nose in and enhances it's resistance.  I can just imagine No. 2 in there struggling to produce his own insulin with his tiny little pancreas. 

It's normal to worry and I am trying to make good food choices but what's out of my control I will leave up to the medical staff at my endo's office.  We'll see what they say. 

In the mean time I will try to enjoy the last two months of this pregnancy.  It is sorta glorious and fun to be pregnant.  Other than the T1 stuff.  That I can really admit is not fun.  But it's manageable with a little help and it's all worth it.  Looking forward to another little Noah out of this whole thing so it's all worth it. 

Through this ordeal I need to trust in God.  I am reminded of the verse from Psalm 139 verse 13, "For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb."  I have to trust that God knows what is going on and that he has it all under control.  Just as he had in the past he does now too.  It would be crazy to think that I am the one "knitting" this baby together.  He knows the number of hairs on my head, knows me by name and knows my concerns and fears.  He only wants the best for me and so I will trust him.