When my husband and I were still dating we used to joke we'd have 17 kids. Now as I enter the second trimester of my second pregnancy, I hope we were kidding.
I have been a diabetic for about 5 years this summer. There are always highs and lows, daily as well as month to month. Some are better than others. I've always managed it well but I am at my best behaviour when I am pregnant - with good reason. A tiny little good reason :)
Although my first pregnancy was a walk in the park, this one is quite different. I still don't have morning sickness or any of the horrors many other moms-to-be face... but I have others. The fact that I am working full time as opposed to part-time might have something to do with it. My 2 1/2 year old toddler that I love to chase around after 8 hours of work, might have something else to do with it. But most of all I think trying to bounce back from a year where hubbie underwent chemo has something else entirely to do with it.
Nate was diagnosed with cancer about a year and a bit ago when he was 29. We had just purchased a big new house, Noah just turned one and we were feeling good. We had spent that entire summer and early fall gutting out the house we purchased and restoring it after the fire it endured. We worked together on this "project" side-by-side every day, and things were good. We felt blessed and we were.
We moved in on a Saturday late in September 2008, had a gigantic birthday party for our happy one year old the next day - complete with a bouncy castle and over 40-50 guests - and flew out to Disney on Tuesday. Life was good - fast paced and fun!
Then two days before Christmas that year, Nate went into the ER with chest pain so severe he could not sleep. Within a week we knew it was cancer. A biopsy within the first few days of 2009 confirmed our fear. The pain in Nate's chest was a tumor and the cancer was Stage 2 Hodgekin's Lymphoma.
Telling others was the hardest thing to do. I never quite mastered it but I did keep a check on my emotions. I always went back to the facts. The promises of the Bible.
“Never will I leave you nor forsake it.” Hebrews 13:5
“I am the good shepherd… My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me…no one can snatch them out of my hand” John 10
“Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil for you are with me.” Psalm 23
"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."2 Corinthians 12:9
“So we do not lose heart. Though or outer nature is wasting away, our inner nature is being renewed day by day.” 2 Corinthians 4:16
These verse popped in my mind during these times and it kept me focused. It brought me back to a place at Jesus’ feet where I could trust him.
Nate went through 6 months of chemotherapy and our family felt the side effects both emotionally and physically. Nate, being the man that he is, tried to work full time during the treatment and keep up his Electrical business on the side. Soon he had no choice but to slow down and allow his recovery to be his full time job.
I took a promotion at my company and started working full-time.
All in all, the recovery was surprisingly fast. His first chemo treatment started in February 2009 and by the PET scan in May the cancer was completely gone. The doctors decided to continue with the treatment as planned - until mid July.
Being given the green light that Nate is cancer-free we booked a trip to Europe and scheduled it for most of September. I spent the rest of last summer planning and dreaming about the places we'd go, the things we'd see. We were also excited to visit the families that we have not seen for over 15 years.
Nate was born in Croatia and I was born in Romania. We both immigrated to Canada with our families when we were 10 years old, although 5 years apart.
July came and Nate finished his treatments. The doctors were pretty excited with the results. We had read that Hodgkin's Lymphoma has a good success rate and remission is usually 30-40 years. Regardless of this knowledge, cancer is still cancer and it still rocked us to the core.
We went on our trip to Europe and it was adventurous, exhilarating and fun! We visited 11 countries, saw all the sights, hugged all the relatives - all 40 to 50 of them! We even found a little piece of land we want to own one day in Slovakia.
Nate has not had any chemo treatments for over 7 months. He is slowing working back up to full-time status. Although his business is thriving, he is finding it hard to generate the energy that is necessary to bring his business to the next level. He is much more fatigued than before and is having a hard time keeping motivated and focused. I try to be supportive and loving and I feel horrible when I fail.
We have a good relationship and for that I thank God every day. I was blessed with Nathan as my first love and his adoration for me keeps me going every day. We've been married for six years this summer. I love him and I know he loves me. It's wonderful to be part of something that is true and pure. I cannot imagine my life without him. He is the reason I am who I am. It all sounds so cheesy but it's truth.
For now all I can do is be a good wife, a great mom and a child in the eyes of God. Everything else usually falls into place.
Everything is okay in the end, if it's not okay, it's not the end.
