New Beginnings

I woke up at 5 am this morning. I had a lot on my mind and I could not still my thoughts. I tried to go back to sleep but sleep did not come. In my distress I called out to God in a silent prayer and in my heart I felt his answer. Get up, child, and pray.

It's a few days to Christmas and I decided I am making a clean start. This random Monday morning I woke up and God convicted my heart ... about my life... about the lack of prayer in my life and the lack of dependence on God. I constantly keep trying to do things on my own - keep trying to be "strong enough" and to "be better" - a better wife, a better mom, a better friend. I forget to lean on God and allow him to make me those things. I forget that in the Bible it says, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.: (2 Corinthians 12:9)

I washed my face, put on a pot of coffee and grabbed my Bible. I sat down at the breakfast table and prayed to God - at 6 AM (something I have never done, nor did I ever think I could do). I asked him to forgive me for my distance, to come to my aid and hear my cry for deliverance. I cannot be better without his help and I needed to surrender my pride. But to be honest I struggle with prayer. Not because I don't know what to pray for, or because I don't know what to say or how to say it... but rather because I don't understand prayer and how it works.

We recently completed a study in our church's small group (LIFE group as we call it) that was on PRAYER. And yet as we neared the end I remember sitting across from Hubby over lunch one day and confessing that I really don't get it. How does it really work? I fully believe God is all powerful and so how can I - as a tiny human - even try to ask anything of him... He already knows better than me. And Hubby explained it to me gently and what I got was "He wants a relationship with us".

So if we're supposed to have a relationship, I've been a pretty bad companion. God wants me to tell him what I need and what I want so that when He gives me those things, or come through for us in some miraculous or amazing or surprising way I can praise Him. I can thank him. I can jump for joy and tell the world.

I decided to start at the most basic - yet most powerful - of prayers : "Our Father".

Our Father, Who is in heaven,
Holy is Your Name;
Your kingdom come,
Your will be done,
on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread,
and forgive us our sins,
as we forgive those who sin against us;
and lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from evil. Amen.

I remembered a friend from church lent me a really good book by Max Lucado "The Great House of God" that has an in-depth look at that prayer. I pulled it off my shelf and started reading it.

My eyes were opened to many different things about prayer this morning. I was able to read about 4 chapters. I look forward to tomorrow morning when I will set my alarm and wake up before the kids, before Hubby and spend quiet uninterrupted time with my Father... a loving Father who waits for me so we can talk.

One portion that really touched my heart was the one that talked about the names of God. The most widely used name for God in the Bible is "Abba" which means Father but in the most basic, layman terms - essentially, Daddy.

It talked about the name "Elohim" that was mostly used in the first book of the Bible, Genesis. It means God is the strong one, he is the creator.

Then it talked about Jacob and how in the original language Jacob referred to God as JEHOVAH-RAAH - God as a caring shepherd. Jacob says "the LORD has led me all my life". And it talks about how Jacob's character was very difficult to lead. He was a trickster and yet God lovingly led him and showed him the way to go all his life.

Abraham called him JEHOVAH-JIREH "the LORD provides". He provided a new place for him to go - Canaan. When Lot chose the better land, God still provided for Abraham's sheep and prospered him. When Sarah could not have a baby it was the LORD (JEHOVAH-JIREH) that promised to multiply them as the stars in the heavens and then provided a baby for them in their old old age. And it was still the LORD our God (Jehovah-jireh) that provided a ram for Abraham to sacrifice instead of his only son. (I get goosebumps just thinking about his goodness).

Gideon called God JEHOVAH-SHALOM - "the Lord is peace". He was Gideon's peace before the battle... the peace before the storm. I sure did call out to God by the name JEHOVAH-SHALOM when Nate was diagnosed with cancer two years ago. And he provided a peace for us that passed all understanding. It guarded our hearts and sailed us through the chemo. So then we praise God the one who is JEHOVAH-ROPHE - "I am the LORD who heals you." (Exodus 15:26) Lucado says:

"God is the one who heals. He may use a branch of medicine and a branch of a hospital or a branch of a live oak tree, but he is the one who takes the poison out of the system. He is Jehovah-rophe."

And finally he talked about God by the name of JEHOVAH-NISSI, "the LORD is my banner". He described a battle scene: "in the heat of battle, soldiers feared getting separated from their army. For that reason a banner was carried into conflict, and if a fighter found himself alone, the raised flag would signal safety."

So I will lift my eyes up and look to Jehovah-nissi in my battle and trust that same God to be Jehovah-raah who will guide me and direct me in the way I should go. I will praise God as the one who provides the peace while I wait for deliverence and trust that it is He who will provide it. Not by my own strength but His.

God promised through his son Jesus, "those who seek me, find me". So here goes my journey to claim that promise for myself. I am looking for God.

- daughter of the King, Rebeca