Tim Hortons Visit with 6 dogs

On today's agenda was visiting the Tim Horton's down the road.  It was so cool having all 6 of us dog handlers walking down the street in a line.  There are 3 yellow labs, and 3 black dogs - 2 black labs and one black poodle.  We were like a small parade with red vests on.  "Look at us and our bad selves!  We are dog handlers, and our dogs behave!"  People stopped and watched.  No joke.

At Tim's we took up an entire corner.  It was a very small Tim Hortons.  Everyone who looked our way, or passed by had this little smile on their faces.  Kinda like, that's so cute but we shouldn't stare at the beautiful dogs - they are working. And the people that thought that were right.  There was a daddy with a little toddler girl in his arms and another older daughter by his side.  As he passed by me in the restaurant the little girl reached out her hand to Hana who was several feet below her and the daddy just kept walking but said to his daughters, "Isn't that a beautiful dog?"

I wonder what it will be like to have Hana by my side everywhere I go.  As a group with all the DADs having their harnesses on it makes sense.  We are still within the neighbourhood of the Lion's Foundation /  Dog Guides.  This neighbourhood is most likely used to this.  But outside of Oakville? What will that be like?  



What was weird is that the first encounter I had with someone wanting to pet my dog, asking permission and me having to say no was within the building.  A new class arrived ("hearing ear dogs training" for those hearing impaired I guess) a couple days ago and one of the newbies was very sweet and kind and asked about my dog.  "Aw, is that your dog?" I responded with "Yes, her name is Hana." And then she asked "May I pet her?"  I was shocked.  Isn't she here to get a dog in a few days too?  Does she really not know that you aren't supposed to ask to pet a service dog? This was at least day 2 for her.  And this was within the walls of the facility at which she was staying to get her own service dog.  I politely said something like, "Actually, I don't think we can allow others to pet our dogs yet."  And she got really embarrassed and apologized and walked away.  I didn't want to make her feel uncomfortable or whatnot.  I know she hadn't finished / barely started her training, but I was virtually in the same boat as her.  Maybe I came in with more info that her.  Maybe I allowed the situation to shock me more than usual, but I did not expect the first time to have to decline someone petting Hana, to be at the Foundation.  I wasn't ready for it.  Caught me completely off guard.

This evening Hana and I (and dad) had a chance to be out in the courtyard all by our selves.  I was able to throw the tennis ball for Hana and she got it every time.  She brought it back to me and then ran out again when I threw it away or bounced up high.  She is super upbeat like me (the trainers said) and has just buckets of energy (like me!).  In fact, Erika, the trainer who came to the house to do the home visit over the summer, said she knew Hana and I would be a good match from the moment she met me.  She said she called the other trainer Gloria and told her she found a match for Hana as she left my driveway.  That's incredible.  Hana's personality is so much like mine.  I am literally looking at the dog version of me.  I know that is what they look for in a team of dog handler and dog, but this is textbook!  She is eager to please and always thinking.  They said she's as "sharp as a whip". I love her so much already. 

Tomorrow I get to see Hubby and the kids!  Grandma Buni is coming up too and so is my cousin and her husband and son.  My dad unexpectedly has to head back to Windsor right away for some test results that came in, and so I needed a replacement caretaker.  My cousin is awesome and she agreed to it.  She is so sweet.  I can't wait to have all this time to catch up with her in the evenings.  

Not sure how I'll sleep tonight.  So much excitement tomorrow.  Hana will get to meet everyone - even though everyone will try to pretend to ignore her... not sure how that will go.  I think Joshua will be all over her the most.  I'll do my best to encourage everyone to not pet her and pay too much attention to her.  Nervous and excited for tomorrow!

The difference between true alerts and false alerts

Today was a beautiful day outside and we got to take the Diabetic Alert Dogs out for our first walk in the park.  We were given our red Diabetic Alert Dog Guides official vest and for whatever reason Hana was not impressed. She looked downright sad.  It was so funny.  I had not seen her puppy eyes just yet.  She didn't whimper, she didn't whine - but she pulled out the cutest puppy eyes I have ever seen.  I wanted to eat her up.

Once outside though, whatever was bothering her, or whatever stunt she was trying to pull, Hana seemed to forget.  She loved being outside with me and I loved being out there with her.  We fell in stride right away and she obeyed the "heel" command 80% of the time.

Loved being out and about with her.

Today she was a bit wonky with her alerts.  She did an amazing job just before heading out in the yard for their first play out there.  I had taken her to the special skills area to groom her for the first time.  I used this nifty circle brush to get her undercoat groomed. She shed a ton of hair while I did that - that is good.  I was told the more she is groomed and sheds during grooming, the less she'll shed around the house.  I am all for that.  Daily grooming?  Check! Then I used another brush for her top coat - make it nice and shiny and healthy.  She's a black beauty!

As I was heading out of that area I grabbed a handful of dog food/kibble to be able to have some "treats"/rewards for good behaviour and walked out.  As soon as we walked out into the long hallway, Hana started jumping up as if to alert me but I told her "Off, Hana" thinking she is jumping up for the treats.  I shook my head as we walked out of the hallway and joined the rest of the DAD class near the door to the courtyard.  I remember saying to her, "Just because you found the treats, does not mean you get one." Then I hear my pump, "BEEP, Beep, beep." I was going low.  I discreetly turned away from Hana and tested.  I was 4.2 (which isn't crazy low, but she is trained to alert anything below 4.5).  She had done a great job.  I notified Erika, our trainer.  The two of us and Hana walked away from the main group back into the long hallway and I started telling Erika the story of the grooming, and the handful of treats, and the jumping/alerting, and the 4.2 testing.  And right in the middle of the story, Hana jumped up on me again and alerted me.  Then jumped on Erika, then back to me.  Amazing!   We praised her and gave her her reward - doggy bacon.  I was so proud of her!  She was even alerting me while we were walking.  It was fantastic.

Then there was a wildly happy play time in the yard.

Later in the evening as I was hanging out with some of the other peeps in the program Hana literally jumped up on my lap, which is what she did yesterday to alert me.  I tested and showed 6.3.  Perfect numbers.  I ignored her alert.  A few minutes later another jump up.  I asked her "off" then tested. Same result. Erika happened to be with us and she said, "If she seems to alert again, tell her off but test anyways.  Maybe you're dropping." But I wasn't.  Hana alerted a few more times like that, but each time the BG was normal.  So Erika suggested I try to get her to the "relief" area and tell her to go "busy, busy".  We have to command these dogs to relieve themselves - which is important if it's a working dog, in a mall or whatever, it has to wait until there is a good opportunity and we tell it it's okay.  Anyways, it wasn't that.  She didn't want to get "busy, busy".  

We went back to the common area, packed up our Dutch Blitz, the laptop and any other items I brought out of the room and headed to bed.  What else are you going to do at 8:30 at night when you are in a totally chill Lion's Foundations?  There is a lot of laying down and napping happening up in here.  Maybe it's the baby, maybe it's all the walking and the "heeling" and the classes.... I think mostly it's the laid back nature of this course and the fact that we are in training and it's exhausting for us and for the dogs.  They nap any chance they get.  I sit down Hana settles at my feet, lays down and she's out.  But any move I make, she's up.  I reach for a kleenex, she's up;  I need my purse from a foot away, she's up.    It's pretty incredible.  She's so in tune to me.

Tomorrow is Saturday.  One more day and I get to see my babies and my hubby.  Then back to classes. 2 more weeks and I graduate and get to take Hana home.

So the difference between a true alert and a false alert? I have yet to figure that out and so does Hana. That's why we are here for another 2 weeks.

1st alert on second day with Hana

 Today was another Hana filled day.  Her first shinning moment, the moment that she has been training for, came today.  She alerted me to a very low low in class.

We had just come up to class after afternoon break and I was sensing I was not feeling well.  My pump had beeped on the walk up "Low Predicted" but I didn't know I was already severely low.  Hana had done her whimper that I discouraged by saying "Hana, quiet."  In class she was beside me and whimpered again.  She had not yet alerted me.  The trainer asked that I test.  I was about 3.6 so we went off to a different room to see if Hana would alert me.  It was funny.  Although Hana sensed/smelled that I was low she first alerted Erika.  That's all Hana knows.  She smells that smell only from Erika so naturally she wanted to alert Eriks.  Hana alerted Erika by "pawing her" but it was really more like gently jumping up on her.  She asked her "off" and explained that she is waiting for Hana to realize that the smell does not come from her but rather from me.  A moment later she leaped on my lap.  Erika marked that behaviour with the clicker and we were both excited.  Erika handed me the treat for Hana and I gave it to her.  I wasn't quick enough into my own bag of treats.

 We walked back in the class and went and sat down.  I downed some candy and a classmate passed me her giant container of Gluco-tabs.  Within a few minutes Hana started whimpering again.  I wasn't sure what to do.  Was she still sensing my low?  The same one?  I said "Hana, quiet," but kept in mind that this is what Hana does before alerting.  The trainer heard Hana too and said wait for her to alert and then test.  So a second or two later Hana nearly leaped into my lap.  I said good dog and petted her head and reached for my tester.  She once again leaped up and put one paw on the tester and one on me.  I laughed and she looked at me intently.  The whole class was laughing.  She was being very adamant.  I tested and I was 2.3 - dangerously low.  Hana had sensed that I was going lower and alerted me again.  She wasn't sensing the same low she was letting me know I hadn't taken enough sugar.  Blood Glucose was dropping dangerously quick and she was doing her job.  It was so incredible.  She got a good size piece of "doggie bacon" for that one!  The class was all a buzz having just witnessed one of the dogs perform a great alert.  And Hana had performed it quite well.  I once again ate more Gluco-Tabs and also drank a grape soda that I was handed.

I looked up the meaning of Hana last night and I was completely taken aback about how perfect the different means are for her. Her name means "Grace of God" (which is what this is to me - a wonderful gift I do not deserve), "happiness" - the trainers today mentioned one of the reasons they selected Hana for me is because she is always upbeat like me, "flower"/"nose" - this one is funny and perfect, and also "to glow" - we will be a little beacon of light, we will glow and shine for the glory of God and also for diabetes awareness.  I will forever be grateful for all that I am daily given.  I am grateful I live in this day and age when not only is insulin readily available to me, but ample supplies and technologies like my pump and amazing training facilities like the Lions Foundation that trains these amazing dogs to assist us.  There is so much to be joyful for!  Seriously.

Often when I go in for a close up she licks me.  LOL Although I'm not a fan I know it's one way she is showing affection

N

 This evening I was having a craving for ice cream.  We are in downtown Oakville so I looked up a place for ice cream and after dinner dad and I headed out.  Tonight is the last night before I get Hana for sleepovers and then I won't be able to be away for over 1 hour per evening.  So we took advantage of this time.  We headed out in to the fridgid cold in search of ice cream - pistachio and black cherry is what the baby wanted ;) We walked about 2 or 3 blocks and found a Baskin Robbins.  It was yummy and hit the spot.  Sugar didn't even spike after.  It was perfect.  We arrived back and tried to watch some TV.  I fell asleep and napped for at least 2 hours.  I am finding this pregnancy more than the others I am exhausted.  I fall asleep at the drop of a hat.

Tomorrow will be more time with Hana, more training and more yummy food with new friends and my dad.

Meet Hana, my Black Lab

Meet Hana, my beautiful, smart, Diabetic Alert Black Labrador. 

So today at noon I met Hana, whom I already knew as Banana from yesterday.  The trainers said the dogs we worked with were not the dogs but that wasn't entirely true.  They were watching to make sure the matches they chose worked and they found all of them to be perfect.  They also used the dog's "nickname" rather than their real name.  So my Hana was Banana.  And her name stuck.  She is now Hana Banana.

What's is funny is that my dad, who is with me on this adventure, had a dream the first night that I would be given a black lab.  He told me that when he woke up on Tuesday morning and I said, "No, it's most likely a yellow lab because they are so much more common.  They are the dominate gene in the litter.  Black and especially chocolate labs are much more rare".  Now that Hana has been given to me, dad reminded me of his dream and we were both amazed. This is not the first time that my dad had a "prophetic" dream.  He's dreamt of what gender my sister's babies would be days before she delivered them, and even dreamt of important people in his life days before they passed away.  It's unbelievable.  Anyways, it's pretty neat.  But he's not reading into it too much.
After Hana was brought into my room she spent quite some time sniffing around and basically ignoring me.  Up until now she was being kept in the kennel and this is the first time she is in a home-style room since she came from the foster house where she spent her first year.

She was interested in my shoes, picked up one of my house shoe and carried it around until I commanded, "Hana, leave it."

And silly me, I had propped open my room's door (as I was told to do) with my Dutch Blitz set and within a few minutes of her coming in and jumping around and meeting me she lunged at the set on the ground and the cards flew everywhere.  Hailey (one of the sweet diabetics here) and I had JUST spent at least 5-10 minutes going through all the cards and making sure I had all the cards.  Hana made sure the set was re-shuffled.

Watch out kids!  Hana's coming home.  Better hide your toys.  LOL.  The trainers said she tends to gravitate to things that are human things - and a card game has my scent all over it.  Tomorrow we learn about how to get them to "ignore" or not be distracted by toys and other things that they are not allowed to play with.  Phew.  I believe the command is "leave it" and when they do ignore it, we have to give them lots of praise and attention because it's a tough thing for a dog to master.

1st of many selfies

 We spent some time bonding in my room.  Hana continued to walk around and sniff, sniff, sniff, then back to me, sniff me and lick my hands (I don't love dogs licking me, but I figure let her bond in whatever way she wants to).  She was wagging her tail and finally after I sat on the floor next to her she settled and sat in front of me then laid on the floor.  What's interesting is that I was having a little bit of a low, but due to the all the excitement and all that, I don't think she knew to alert.  She whimpered a bit and I kept telling her, "I know Hana, your trainers aren't here anymore.  Don't worry you and I will bond." I thought she was whimpering because she missed her trainers.  Later, in class, I find out that Hana and one other dog, Charm, does this thing where they whimper before they alert - a habit that the trainers did not encouraged.  And they suggested we do not respond to it until they paw or nudge us.  Which will then reinforce that behavior rather than the whimper.  Makes sense.  She didn't end up alerting me. Which is totally fine, as the trainer said.  The dogs haven't had a change to be trained on a "live low" - a diabetic actually having a low in front of them.  They have been trained on "scent pods" which Erika was calling "stale lows".

Chill and obedient to the "down" command

Hanna seems to be a pretty chill dog, not even a full medium size - which I love.  She isn't huge. She is perfect.

When I had to leave to lunch I was told to put her in the kennel that is in my room.  She went in willingly and I took off her collar and her Halti.  She turned around and waited. I closed the door and was on my way.

After lunch I was told to return to my room and leave her in the kennel.  I resisted the urge to talk to her right when I walk in.  I laid down on the bed which is right beside the kennel.  I turned my head towards her and said, "Hi Hana."  Wrong.  She made a tiny whimper.  I was not low so why the whimper?  She expected me to let her out perhaps.  I turned the other way and hoped she wasn't upset.  She didn't whimper again and I snoozed for about 15-20 mins.  Hana snoozed too.

Soon Gloria arrived and she showed me how to put her collar and Halti on so we can head out.  Hana was excited the kennel door opened but just like Quizno (whose real name is Quatchy) yesterday, Hana did not bolt out as one would expect a dog to do.  She waited.  I worked the collar and the Halti on, attached the short leash and we walked out.

We spent the rest of the afternoon with our dogs.  So very sweet.  Her and I did fabulous.  I am beyond excited.  Unfortunately the dogs were not allowed overnight with us yet.  No sleepovers yet. Friday night is the first sleepover.

Me and a few of the girls went shopping in the evening.  Throughout the day today I found that I didn't want to carry my giant purse nor did I want my laptop backpack.  But I need to have my test kit, candies, my eos lip gloss, my phone for snapping pics of Hana and also "treats" for Hana.

We headed out to Winners.  The trainers also asked us to use a journal to document how the DADs alert us.  What they do.  If they don't or do alert and how.  So I needed a cute new journal for that task alone.  Winners is the place for a cute, small purse and a fabulous journal.  Unfortunately, towards the end of the outing as we were heading towards checkouts, I started feeling wonky and I knew my sugar was getting low.  I downed some "swedish spaghetti" as I called it during my low - it was the swedish berries.  LOL.  I wasn't even feeling well enough to drive and I asked Hailey's mom to drive back.  We made it back to the Lions Foundations and the group minus me, decided to continue on the shopping adventure... I had to decline as I felt awful.  Now a few hours later I'm fine.  It's so frustrating when diabetes sticks it's nose in places it is not welcome, like my shopping trip.

Soon enough Hana will be with me and she'll alert me way before I feel that awful and I won't have to write off the rest of my evening. Soon, very soon.

Day 2 - One more day till I meet mine

Today was Day 2.  Today was rough a bit. I woke up with a low.  So that was not fun.  Not cool.  That always sets the day up to be wonkey.  I corrected the low with some Gatorade, my Rx of choice lately.  It came up some and I was able to come down to breakfast at 8 a.m.

After another delicious breakfast: yogurt, bagels with cream cheese and jam, fruit and a cup of coffee, we had class again.  Today we learned some of the dog handling collars and how to handle a dog.  First we practiced on a giant stuffed horse.

Then Erica brought out a live dog.  A real dog!  His name was Keltie.  We were all so excited and the dog behaved beautifully.  We all stumbled and finally figured it out.  The HALTI goes over their snout, but does not restrict them from barking or eating or drinking.  They have full function with it on.  They told us it's for better handling of the dog.  It is easier to control than with the collar on alone.  The collar they use is called Martingale.  It's a loose collar and the leash has two length - short leash and long leash.  Short leash for walking, always loose at your side with the dog walking right beside you being obedient to the "heel" command, and the long leash for the dog to go outside to relieve itself.  These dogs have to be given the command to relieve themselves!  "Busy, busy," is the command.  In a day or so when I get our dogs we'll have to go out 6 or more times with the dog.  Then as we get to know our dogs more we'll figure out their routine and it will ease up and we'll only go out when the dog needs it.

As lunch time came around my pump read low again!  Not cool.  I wasn't feeling it too much but I knew that two lows in the same morning will not be easy on my body.  I had some swedish berries and fuzzy peaches and headed to lunch.  For some silly reason (none that I can name) I bolused - took insulin - late and my sugar started an up-swing.  By the time I caught it and took insulin it was too late.  I didn't sky rocket, but with the combined two lows the same day, I was done.  I barely got through the rest of the afternoon in "class".


 We were introduced to a bunch of new dogs, none of which were "ours".  The first dog that I got to handle was a black poodle.  Then a beautiful yellow lab named Ju-Jube.  I got him to "heel" (walk along with me at my pace in line with my legs, not leading me but rather me leading him) and to "sit".  I was so surprised that I basicly got it.  There was some redirecting but the dog and I walked side by side and I was easily able to get his attention back when he got distracted.

There is a lot of positive encouragement and lots of praise.  We are taught to say the dog's name and then the command.  "Ju-Jube, heel.  Good dog! That's a good boy." They love it.  It is their pay check. The reason they follow the commands.  They are so eager to please and want so badly to do what you want them to.  

Then we learned about the kennel.  Most dogs and dog owners do not like the kennel.  But to these dogs the kennel is never used in any negative way.  They are never put into it when they misbehave or long periods of time.  They see the kennel as a time to unwind and not be required to "work".  So they willingly go in; eagerly even.  They also go in "naked" - no harness, no Martingale, no Halti.  So it's very welcoming to them. Then when they need to come out - after arriving back from groceries let's say, they may be super excited that you're home.  But Erica recommended we don't go straight to them and let them out or else we are enforcing that excitable behaviour.  She recommends going and putting away groceries or whatever short time is needed for the dog to be calm, then it can come out. It was fascinating.  Although the door to the kennel is open, the dog will not come bounding out.  It would not take a step until Erica said "okay".  Then Quizno came out and the Martingale went back on and the leash.  I liked Quizno very much.  When he was in the "sit" position he looked identical to the plastic dogs you see in grocery stores or Walmart that are "donation bins" for the Lions Foundation.  

 After being here for only 24 hours I am amazed at all that they do there.  Type 1 Diabetics are not the only ones who benefit.  They train seizure dogs, autism dogs (they have 3 years wait list), seeing eye dogs and hearing ear dogs.  It's amazing.  And it's all through donations.  This dog that I will receive tomorrow has cost the organization around $25,000 and it comes to me at no charge.  That is amazing.

Once class was let out there was just over an hour to nap before dinner. And that is what I did.  Right away.  The light didn't even get turned on in my room.  I did a faceplant on the bed and passed out.  When I woke up I finally started feeling better.

Enjoyed dinner (and ate brussel spouts for the first time) and then hung out with this cute little 8 week old puppy in the common area.

Getting my Diabetic Alert Dog with my dad

The adventure of acquiring a Diabetic Alert Dog has started.  Today my dad and I have travelled over 4 hours to the Lions Foundation in Oakville for the three weeks of training.  I am so grateful to my dad for coming with me and acting as my "care-taker" while I am here.  I do not require a "care-taker" on an on-going basis, but for me to participate in this program I do need it.  It is a prerequisite. My mom suggested that I ask dad to come along and he was more than willing.  I can't wait to start this whole thing tomorrow. 

 

Although I've been absent and or tried other blogs, I always come back to the hub - to the core of what I am: a mom with type 1 Diabetes.  I am many things.  I wear many hats.  But at my core I am a mom to three (that's right 3 now!) wonderful little people God has entrusted to me.  I am also the wife of a wonderful and courageous man whom I love with all my heart.  I am SURROUNDED by an amazing family that love and support me daily!  My parents, my in-laws and my sisters (two in-law and one immediate) and brothers-in-law, love me and I AM BEYOND BLESSED.  I do not deserve this life. It is abundant and wonderful.  

All decked out for a family wedding a couple days ago

At this moment in my life, when I am about to embark on this new chapter, I am overwhelmed with joy.  Joy at the fact that God has made this possible for me; joy that my family is on-board with this whole change; joy that as a little family of 5 we are growing to 6 - that's right I am about to become a mom to a fourth little bouncing and wonderful baby.  There is so much to be thankful for.  

As a person with diabetes getting a Type 1 Diabetic Alert Dog, means diabetes will finally, rightfully take more of a center stage in my life.  For 10 years it has sat on the sidelines and I have allowed it to take a prominent spot only during my past 3 pregnancies.  I groan and complain when my pump beeps and I don't test quite as often as I should... but suddenly I will have to be responsive to this dog that will be attentive to me and my sugar levels.  I will have to take it seriously or else the dog's sole purpose will be diminished and all the training it has received will go to waste.

What an exciting time! I love new challenges and this is certainly one of those life changing moments.

We arrived today around 4 and were greeted by the head trainer, Gloria.  She was spunky and had the cutest pug with her.  My dad and I were escorted to our rooms and we had a little bit of time to settle in and soon 5 pm came, and it was time to head up for dinner.  Dinner was prepared by a wonderful Lions Foundations staff member and it was delicious.  All 6 clients (all type 1 diabetics) and our caretakers joked around that we could get used to this.  

We made small talk and I met some truly wonderful people - half of whom are in the same boat as me - fighting a monster daily; struggling to stay alive despite dropping blood sugars that we are starting to not sense.  Introducing: Hypoglycemic Unawareness.  

We don't get to meet the Diabetic Alert Dogs (DADs) until Wednesday and we don't get to take them to our rooms overnight until Thursday.  I can't wait!  This little animal (who am I kidding it's most likely a Labrador - golden, black or chocolate - and it will be medium to large size) will be my new best friend.  This DAD will literally be around me 24/7 making it it's primary objective to watch over me. I am beyond excited.  Will it be a female or male DAD?  And out of the three types of dogs that they train - Labs, Golden Retrievers and Poodles - which one will be mine?  What will it be its name?  I will use this name over and over again for the next 10 years.  

An example of Labradors - Black, Chocolate and golden 

Golden Retriever 

Black Poodle

What I've learned so far from the short intro we got is that for the first week we will be trained on obedience.  That is first.  That is the foundation and we need to establish that I am "boss" to this DAD and that the trainer will no longer be the "boss".  The trainers typically have 8 dogs that they are training at any given time.  Once we are introduced to our DADs we will be one on one with them - that is a bonus for us, the new dog handlers.  We need to establish ourselves to be the Alpha dog.  

As a family we have never owned a pet.  This DAD will not be a pet.  This will be a service dog. And so it may be to our advantage that the first experience and exposure we have with an animal in our house will be a service dog that is trained and that I am also taught how to handle.  In the past few months (since I've known I'm coming up for the training) I often wondered what can they possibly teach us for 3 weeks?  But after being here for even a few hours and learning a very broad overview of what is coming up and listening to Gloria for a few hours on what to expect and what's coming, I am certain I will need more than 3 weeks.  There is so much to understand and learn.  

I will have a hard time being away from my family.  I will miss my husband and 3 kids.  In some ways it's so nice to have this time to myself to focus on me.  I don't ever focus on me; on my well-being.  It will be a time to regain some focus so I can go back with my DAD and both him/her and I will be focused on my diabetes.  When I am taking care of my diabetes I am taking better care of everyone.  Sometimes though, no matter what I do, diabetes rocks my world.  It is not a perfect science and any number of things will set it off in whatever direction it wishes to go.  

More to come.  This adventure is certainly exciting and it's only just begun!  I can't wait to meet my DAD and for us to bond.  I'll have to get over dog hair and doggy breath and understand how wonderful this animal truly is.  I'm pretty certain any concerns I have are in my head and once I meet this dog that's been chosen for me, I'll be in love! 

Merry Christmas

We had an amazing Christmas with our growing little family.  Woke up around 9ish (praise God I was able to get some sleep after the late night I had Christmas eve), opened presents and spend the day with the family.  In the evening went for a dinner at the in-laws and got together with the whole family - all nine of us (with Josh and Noah included).

It was fun and we thank God for sending his Son to be born in a stinky, damp, and chilled barn over 2000 years ago.  I love that this holiday is so joyful and happy.  It makes my heart full.  :)

'twas the late night before Christmas

It's 3:30 am - night before Christmas. I'm pretty sure I am not the only parent awake wrapping and getting everything ready for Christmas morning. All the gifts are wrapped and I just finished Hubby's gift. It's not the "main" gift. We decided a while back that the new iPhone 4 would be our gifts to each other. So yesterday we got them. We are both very excited about them... But enough about how giddy I am over my new toy.

I put together a frame of Hubby's favorite memories from our "Victory Trip" to Europe last fall. I just finished it and I'm about to head to bed before I fall asleep with the scissors and tape in hand. I can't help but smile as I look it over. That trip was so amazing! 11 countries in 3 weeks! We climbed the Eiffel tower, walked in the mountains in Switzerland, rode the gondola in Venice, I met all of Hubby's relatives in former Yugoslavia and he met mine in Romania. Then we wrapped up our trip by sightseeing Budapest, finding Hubby's roots in Slovakia, and flying out out of Vienna. It was spectacular.

I haven't had a chance to wake up as early as I did on Monday morning. This week was a whirlwind of running around and going to bed much too late. I hope maybe I can jump back into reading that book I started on prayer.

I'm off to bed. I hope to catch a couple of hours of sleep before I find a monkey jumping on my bed begging me to wake up so we and open presents.

Merry Christmas!

New Beginnings

I woke up at 5 am this morning. I had a lot on my mind and I could not still my thoughts. I tried to go back to sleep but sleep did not come. In my distress I called out to God in a silent prayer and in my heart I felt his answer. Get up, child, and pray.

It's a few days to Christmas and I decided I am making a clean start. This random Monday morning I woke up and God convicted my heart ... about my life... about the lack of prayer in my life and the lack of dependence on God. I constantly keep trying to do things on my own - keep trying to be "strong enough" and to "be better" - a better wife, a better mom, a better friend. I forget to lean on God and allow him to make me those things. I forget that in the Bible it says, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.: (2 Corinthians 12:9)

I washed my face, put on a pot of coffee and grabbed my Bible. I sat down at the breakfast table and prayed to God - at 6 AM (something I have never done, nor did I ever think I could do). I asked him to forgive me for my distance, to come to my aid and hear my cry for deliverance. I cannot be better without his help and I needed to surrender my pride. But to be honest I struggle with prayer. Not because I don't know what to pray for, or because I don't know what to say or how to say it... but rather because I don't understand prayer and how it works.

We recently completed a study in our church's small group (LIFE group as we call it) that was on PRAYER. And yet as we neared the end I remember sitting across from Hubby over lunch one day and confessing that I really don't get it. How does it really work? I fully believe God is all powerful and so how can I - as a tiny human - even try to ask anything of him... He already knows better than me. And Hubby explained it to me gently and what I got was "He wants a relationship with us".

So if we're supposed to have a relationship, I've been a pretty bad companion. God wants me to tell him what I need and what I want so that when He gives me those things, or come through for us in some miraculous or amazing or surprising way I can praise Him. I can thank him. I can jump for joy and tell the world.

I decided to start at the most basic - yet most powerful - of prayers : "Our Father".

Our Father, Who is in heaven,
Holy is Your Name;
Your kingdom come,
Your will be done,
on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread,
and forgive us our sins,
as we forgive those who sin against us;
and lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from evil. Amen.

I remembered a friend from church lent me a really good book by Max Lucado "The Great House of God" that has an in-depth look at that prayer. I pulled it off my shelf and started reading it.

My eyes were opened to many different things about prayer this morning. I was able to read about 4 chapters. I look forward to tomorrow morning when I will set my alarm and wake up before the kids, before Hubby and spend quiet uninterrupted time with my Father... a loving Father who waits for me so we can talk.

One portion that really touched my heart was the one that talked about the names of God. The most widely used name for God in the Bible is "Abba" which means Father but in the most basic, layman terms - essentially, Daddy.

It talked about the name "Elohim" that was mostly used in the first book of the Bible, Genesis. It means God is the strong one, he is the creator.

Then it talked about Jacob and how in the original language Jacob referred to God as JEHOVAH-RAAH - God as a caring shepherd. Jacob says "the LORD has led me all my life". And it talks about how Jacob's character was very difficult to lead. He was a trickster and yet God lovingly led him and showed him the way to go all his life.

Abraham called him JEHOVAH-JIREH "the LORD provides". He provided a new place for him to go - Canaan. When Lot chose the better land, God still provided for Abraham's sheep and prospered him. When Sarah could not have a baby it was the LORD (JEHOVAH-JIREH) that promised to multiply them as the stars in the heavens and then provided a baby for them in their old old age. And it was still the LORD our God (Jehovah-jireh) that provided a ram for Abraham to sacrifice instead of his only son. (I get goosebumps just thinking about his goodness).

Gideon called God JEHOVAH-SHALOM - "the Lord is peace". He was Gideon's peace before the battle... the peace before the storm. I sure did call out to God by the name JEHOVAH-SHALOM when Nate was diagnosed with cancer two years ago. And he provided a peace for us that passed all understanding. It guarded our hearts and sailed us through the chemo. So then we praise God the one who is JEHOVAH-ROPHE - "I am the LORD who heals you." (Exodus 15:26) Lucado says:

"God is the one who heals. He may use a branch of medicine and a branch of a hospital or a branch of a live oak tree, but he is the one who takes the poison out of the system. He is Jehovah-rophe."

And finally he talked about God by the name of JEHOVAH-NISSI, "the LORD is my banner". He described a battle scene: "in the heat of battle, soldiers feared getting separated from their army. For that reason a banner was carried into conflict, and if a fighter found himself alone, the raised flag would signal safety."

So I will lift my eyes up and look to Jehovah-nissi in my battle and trust that same God to be Jehovah-raah who will guide me and direct me in the way I should go. I will praise God as the one who provides the peace while I wait for deliverence and trust that it is He who will provide it. Not by my own strength but His.

God promised through his son Jesus, "those who seek me, find me". So here goes my journey to claim that promise for myself. I am looking for God.

- daughter of the King, Rebeca

Puerto Rico

Dear Blog,

I am on a flight to Puerto Rico.  Getting away for a four-day long weekend - just me, Hubby and the baby.  The three month old bundle of joy.  Our bouncy toddler is spending the weekend with his grandpa.  I feel like he is missing out and I miss him.

We’re on the plane and the guy behind Hubby has a pump.  An insulin pump.  I can hear it trying to get his attention.  Beep beep beep.  He’s either running out of insulin and that’s a “LOW RESERVOIR” alert, or he is has a sensor on and it wants him to “BG NOW”.  I want to turn around and tell him his pump is calling him... or maybe introduce myself.  I feel like I should greet him. I feel compelled to say something. "Hey, you have one of those?  Me too!" He's in his forties, travelling with his wife and two teenage kids.  I decide not to turn around.  I just keep nudging Hubby and telling him "Guy with the pump has a low" then, "Guy with the pump is having a snack".  He nods and turns back to his INflight magazine.  

The snack cart comes around and I hear Pump Guy bolus for his pretzels.  I stash my snack for the inevitable low that will hit me during our transfer in Atlanta.  (When I do reach for my biscotti, I flip it on the back to find the nutritional information.  I find an address, a telephone number and the message “Phone or write for nutritional information” in capital letters.  Really, Delta Air Lines, really?!  You want me to call with the cell phone I’m not allowed to use or write you a letter through snail mail to receive the amount of carbohydrates in this snack two weeks after I consumed it? Really? Genius.)

As we fly I think about LOST - the TV show.  If we were to crash land into one of these deserted islands below and survive, it wouldn’t be good.  I wouldn’t survive for long.  Even if this plane was to somehow land safely on land or water - without insulin I would survive maybe one year tops... and that's only if I don't have a DKA attack.  (Diabetic Ketoacidosis).  And I would have to be on a drastically reduced calorie intake.  So reduced that I would probably die of starvation.  Hubby and I talk about it and he wonders what I would even be able to eat out there.  I say Coconuts... but I'm not sure.  That would be so terrifying. 

We recently watched Disney's Swiss Family Robinson and although I understand the story to be very unbelievable, I resolve that I could be like Mrs. Robinson.  Hubby and Josh would build me a beautiful tree house, (yes, my three month old is very capable) complete with stairs that work on pull strings.  I would make curtains for our home out of the blankets aboard the plane... but then soon I'd be out of insulin... and then what?  At least I’ve got curtains… And with the tropical climate, how would I keep the insulin I have from going bad?  I finally give up thinking about it because it's much too frightening.  

I've had dreams of war breaking out or the dreadful end of the world and the first thing I grab out of my house as we flee (in my dream, remember) is insulin... not photo albums, no jewelry or other things of value.  To me INSULIN is gold - I understand my life depends on it. 

For this four-day trip I picked up insulin in "pen-fills" not vials so that I can split it up in our luggage.  I have two "pen-fills" in my purse, one in the diaper bag, and two in each of the suitcases.  If I lose any one of these pieces I will have insulin in a separate bag.

I filled my pump the night before and replaced the battery in my pump.  I have new strips (and back up strips in all the luggage) and I feel prepared.  As long as the plane doesn’t crash – I am prepared.

I look out my window and see small islands below.  “Small” in comparison to North America I guess.  I can't wait for us to land.  Come on, Puerto Rico!  I am ready.  I've got my insulin and I'm good to go.  Bring on the sunshine; bring on the beach.  I'm determined to enjoy my vacation and my life as any non-diabetic person would.  

PS At departure, security scanned me for radioactive material.  They wiped my pump and my hands with some sort of swab and then tested it to see if I was in contact with something other than insulin.  I was cleared.  No officer, don’t you know?  I need all the insulin I can on board.  What good would radioactive materials be to a diabetic? Seriously... 

Is this a cure?

Earlier this morning I opened my email inbox to find that my mom has sent me a link for a story on CBC's The National Sunday night.  It was a CBC special titled "More diabetes patients may get islet transplants".  It talked about The Edmonton Protocol, a procedure where islet cells are isolated from donor pancreases and then injected into the liver.  It's done under local anesthetic and it takes only 10 minutes. Within weeks most people can stop taking insulin.  The doctor that was leading this experimental treatment, Dr. James Shapiro, says that with their newest regiment "50% of patients are still insulin free at 5 years which is actually the same results for a pancreas transplant alone".

I watched the CBC video a couple times and grew more and more excited.  It sounds like a sort of cure.  A "cure" that is only 3000km (1900 miles) away from me in Edmonton, Alberta.  The article did say that it was more aimed at "brittle" diabetics - I guess those are ones that have a hard time managing their diabetes with frequent hypo incidents.  Hubby said he'd be up to driving down there tomorrow if we get a green light.  The procedure is even covered by the Alberta government.

I would like some more information on islet transplants.  If anyone out there in the Diabetes community could please give me some insight or point me in the right direction on the web.  I understand there are some pills that are necessary to take so that your body doesn't reject the foreign cells.  What are these and are they dangerous?  Do they have side effects?

I am very excited.  If there's a waiting list, I'd like to get on it. 50/50 odds are good.  I'd take it.

Please have a read and watch the video and let me know what you think.  I hope I'm not getting my hopes up for nothing.

Is my 3-year-old diabetic?

Something alarming happened yesterday.  Before eating our lunch we decided we should be proactive with out 3-year-old and test his blood sugar before we eat.  I have been a Type 1 diabetic since I was 20-years-old and so my son has a heightened chance of having T1 D at some point in his life too.  He didn't really know the test was coming so he didn't struggle against it at all.  I held my breath and waited the 5 seconds for the display to show his reading... 7.5 - 7.5!?  How can that be?  We had cereal around 10:30 a.m. and it was about 1 p.m.  Why would his reading be 7.5?  Hubby and I were both concerned.  We had our lunch and the whole time we are both lost in thought over what this could mean.   

It started with me eyeing his lunch: half of a whole-wheat sandwich with a 1/2 a miniature cup of OJ.  I started doing the math... the carb math.  Sandwich: 15 g of carb; OJ: 10 g.  That mean 25 g of carbs.  So now what?  I would reach over to his insulin pump and program that in? ... or would be be injections for a while until we would get our hands on a pump?  Would he let me prick him with a needle?  What about later when he would be going over to grandpa's house?  How would they know what to do and would I ever trust other people to take care of his diabetes?  What about sleeping over at grandpa's?  Never again... I couldn't stop thinking about it. 

I put him down for a nap and two hours later when he woke up I tried testing him again.  I didn't even have the patience to change him out of his PJs.  I needed to see the reading. This time when I asked him to test he refused to let me do it and I had to chase him throughout the house to test.  I tried bribing him with a gummy, with Thomas, with promises of a Pooh Bear bandaid, with allowing him to watch "the robot part" from ToyStory 2... Nothing worked.

Finally, once he settled into the Thomas DVD I sneaked up on him and pricked his thumb.  He didn't freak out or get upset.  I applied the band-aid as promised (although he did not need it at all) and gave him the gummy.  The test showed 4.6  Phew.  But still why the 7.5?  If he is not diabetic, is he border-line?  Doe it work the same way in T1 as in T2? 

I would love to know from some of the moms that have little ones with diabetes how did you get them to test or allow you to test them or be willing to insert the infusion set?  

This little scare yesterday really brought some stuff in perspective for me...  Hats of to all you moms who do it day in and day out.  It's unbelievably overwhelming to think about, never mind going though it every day and night.   

Thinking about the Future

Yesterday Hubby and I went for the visitation for a friend's mom's funeral.  She passed away after a 6 year battle with cancer.  That hit home for me.  I can't help but put myself in their shoes since Hubby and my dad both went through cancer (Hodgkin's for Hubby and non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma for my dad) in the last two years.  Both are now in remission and we are thankful to God for that.

But I still can see my family there... I can't help it.  I have really felt myself falling in love more and more with Hubby as the years go on.  God has blessed us more than we could ever deserve and losing him would be devastating.  I fully believe he would be going to be with Jesus in heaven - in a perfect paradise with no pain, no tears, no cancer... but yet it would be a loss for me.  I am only human.

On the drive home from the funeral home Hubby and I were talking about all of this.  That led me to think about what life might be like for us when we are older... due to my diabetes.  There may be complications... even if my control is good - over time I would imagine things will still go wonky.  I hope not... I guess I've got to do more research on that.  Anyone know?

I do have a wonderful elder lady at my church who is simply fabulous.  She has had Type 1 diabetes since her teens and she is now in her sixties.  She's been on insulin almost all her life and she is doing great.  She is vibrant and feeling good.  I hope to be like her when I turn 60.

I know that staying active has a huge impact on my health, so last week I started running again.  It felt so good.  I strapped on my "fanny pack" (for lack of a better word and because I have no idea what brand it is - I purchased it at the expo the day before the Detroit Free Press Marathon - it has no tag of any kind on it...) and headed out.  It's a pretty neat one.  It has two pockets, one small and one big, with two loops for gels, I guess.  Well I clipped my pump in one of the loops, my iPhone and poker in the big pocket and my Aviva Nano tester in the little pocket.  I turned on Monkey Business by the Black Eyed Peas on my iPhone and had a great run!

When I returned home I got ready to take a shower and tested.  I was 3.4 but feeling great.  I corrected my low and made a mental note to take some carbs next time before I leave.

Yesterday Hubby and I went out for a run together.  It was fantastic!  I loved running side by side with my love.  It was so cool.  I can't wait to go out again.

The baby is doing great and I love him so much.  Being a mom of two is keeping me busy and active.  I am enjoying every minute of it.

Busy Mamma

Life of a mom is busy.  Life of a mom of two is busier.  But life of a mom with diabetes with two, is busiest!

I have had no time at all in the last three weeks.  With two kids there is always someone to feed, someone to change, someone's snot to wipe, and some days mom is feeling drained.  I am thankful beyond words to my mom, who has been here for half of those three weeks, my in-laws who have dropped off meals, picked up Noah for an afternoon or even overnight numerous times.  Hubby has been more than wonderful!  Changing the diaper, burping the little guy, bringing my tester, finding my tester... He's been great.  And working on top of it all.  He was able to stay at home with us the first week, which was great.  Now I miss him when he's away all day.

The two little monkeys are keeping me busy.  It's pretty hard to enforce TimeOut with the toddler when the infant is at my boob.  :)  But you gotta do what you gotta do - consistency is key in disciple.

My sugars have been kindda all over the place.  I have a sensor on again... after hitting a 23 one day simply because I did not test for hours upon hours.  Somewhere in there I must have had a meal or a large snack and forgot to take any insulin for it.  Well I say enough is enough.  I plopped another sensor on and now I hear the familiar beep beep BEEP letting me know my sugar is going up.  "Oh yeah, I didn't bolus."

After being so used to having a sensor, going without throws me for a loop.  So anyways, I wanna say the 23 was a one time thing but it wasn't.  Even with the sensor on, if the METER BG NOW prompts me to test and I don't (and then it does it again every hour for the next 4 and I still don't) a 17 is not a surprise.  I am not used to testing before every meal - the sensor usually tells me where I'm at... and if I forget to bolus (as if I haven't been diabetic for over 6 years and needed insulin AT EVERY MEAL!!!!) then the sensor will beep at me.  Anyways, all that to say I am not trying hard enough.  It's sad to say but it's the truth.  In fact, let me check *looks down at pump* right now I have a METER BG prompt (and it's been there for almost two hours).  Ugh!  *goes and retrieves tester* 11.7  see?  That's bad.  I'm a bad diabetic.  Alright, lets do this *updates sensor*  *bolus wizard to correct high*  What is going on?  It doesn't want to give me anything to correct the high.  It says I have enough insulin on board... but that is only true if I bolused correctly... Sometimes I override the wizard and give myself a guestimate amount of insulin.  Sometimes (most of the time) I was wrong in bolusing.  But sometimes after doing an override I end up with a low.  Let's think here... Yesterday I had a high around lunch time and the wizard did the math calculation for the correction and it was right.  I was down to 4.6 in about 2 or 3 hours.  And now?  Do I trust it and also trust that I bolused for the correct amount of carbs?  Or since I doubt my bolusing I also doubt it?  So much thinking.... I have baby brain right now and feel as if I won't make the right decision...*do nothing*  Hopefully it will correct itself.  I'll see in about an hour or so... if it's not going down, I'll do the wizard again.

Yesterday I woke up with a low and that threw the whole day outta whack.  After overcorrecting with way too many carbs - I wanted to eat everything in sight - , I felt like I had a huge high but my sugar reading was 7.8 . Why is that?  If I bolused correctly and if my BG is saying I am good, why do I feel so rotten?

As I was holding Josh, while Noah was playing on the carpet in front of us, I had the same sensation as if I was driving and suddenly got really drowsy.  I felt as if I might just fall asleep right there on the armchair in the living room, leaving my infant baby and toddler to fend for themselves.  It was scary.  I made myself stand up and walk over to the phone to call my father-in-law.  I asked him to come over and watch the boys while I napped.  He was very gracious and came over promptly.  I passed off Josh and kissed Noah on the head.  Then I dragged my feet to the bedroom and passed out immediately.  No tossing, no turning; just sleep.

My father-in-law brought Josh in to nurse two hours later and told me he'd be taking Noah back to his place to give me some more time to sleep.  I said thank you and me and Josh fell asleep together on my bed.  I woke up another 2 hours later not feeling any better.  Hubby was just walking in the door from work and took Josh to change him before brining him back to me to nurse him.  I think I fell asleep for a bit again... that was kindda scary.  I don't ever nap for more than 2 hours, 3 max!  I had slept 5 hours and still felt lousy.  Hubby brought my tester and asked me to test (my sensor had not been updated, of course).  *test* 5.1 - so it wasn't that.  Later on in the evening I got some muscle cramps and was feeling quite lousy still.  Finally by 10 or 11 I felt normal again.  I'm not sure what was up with all of that.  But at least it was a one day thing.

Today is much better.  I am tidying up and doing what feels like laundry for a small army.  A friend from work is stopping by to meet Josh later and I am quite excited to see her.

Life is busy for sure.  But life is also great.  I have two wonderful boys, a loving husband, a gracious family and more blessings than I deserve.  God is good!