Deer Park

My hubbie and I first met at a beautiful lodge resort called Deer Park Lodge exactly 10 years ago.  We've been back at least 5 times since.  Once or twice while we were still dating, then as newly weds within that first year, as eager expectant parents with my big belly, and even with Noah, our 2-year-old.  Every time the experience was amazing.  Deer Park is located in a small town called Bayfield right on the shores of Lake Huron.  It has amazing sunsets and best of all unforgettable memories.

The year I met Nathan my girlfriends and I stayed in the cabin named Butternut.  Even though it was 10 years ago I remember it like it was yesterday.  My friend Raluca and I arrived first early Friday afternoon.  Our church youth group was having our spring retreat there and we were tickled pink with excitement.  We chose a bedroom and quickly unpacked.  Soon our other two friends, Andra and Maria arrived.  I was newly single and ready to wait for years and years until "the one" came along.  No more dating, no more crushes.  Although I was only 15, I felt a strong desire to not give away anymore pieces of my heart until the guy would come along that would be worthy of becoming my husband.  Not that I saw myself as very "worthy" but rather that I knew that I wanted even my dating relationship with my future husband to be special.  I was a virgin and I planned to stay that way until I become a wife.  I certainly wanted someone that would not only respect and honour that wish, but rather also feel the same way and appreciate me that much more. 

Enter Nathan. 

Now as we anticipate the birth of our second child, we are planning another trip for the end of next month.  This time we will be renting a cabin with both sets of parents.  So we'll grab this one beautiful cabin called "The Hutch".  It's a very rustic 3 bedroom cabin with a beautiful view of Lake Huron (which is so enormous it looks like we're at the sea).  The beach is spectacular and the in-ground pool refeshing.  There are canoes and water-bikes and all other kinds of activities that are all inclusive.  I can't wait to go back.  

Last year we went with another married couple.  They were celebrating the hubbie's birthday while we were celebrating 5 years of marriage.  This was Noah's first time at Deer park and he had so much fun.  He loved playing in the huge sand pit.  He went down to the beach with mama and we climbed all over the canoes and threw pebbles in the water.  I took lots of pictures.  Some of my best ones of Noah are from that afternoon that we spent at the beach. 

Unfortunately, Nate was right in the middle of his chemo treatments so he was pretty tired for most of the trip.  That particular afternoon daddy was napping while Noah and I went to the beach.  It's funny how even the happiest of memories have been tainted by that cancer. 

But all of that is now behind us.  Nate is having his port removed as I mentioned in an earlier post and we are excited that our party of three will soon be a party of four.  I can't wait to drive up there and really enjoy ourselves.  It makes me smile every time I think of it.  I can smell the fresh air and hear the pebbles under my feet when I first step out of the car on the property.

Now all I have to do is call and book it.  I better get on that.

Nr. 2 is not shy

It feels like we had a doctor's appointment every day last week.  A couple were just routine but two were "great news appointments". On Thursday we went to see Nate's oncologist and Friday we had an ultrasound scheduled at the hospital.  At the Thursday appointment we got great news - Nate is still cancer free and his CAT scan showed stable results.  We were very excited for the oncologist to confirm that to us. We've also scheduled May 13th for Nate to go into surgery to have his chemo port removed.  So it's official.  They don't believe the cancer is coming back!

Then the following morning we got more great news.  I had my 20 week ultrasound for No. 2 at the hospital.  The technician was very nice and while hubbie waited out in the waiting room, we chatted about our recent Europe trip and her upcoming Greece advanture.  I told her I wanted Nate and I to find out the gender of our second baby together.  She went out of the room to get Nate while I was left to text "It's a .... (stay tuned)...." to a whole bunch of our close friends. 

While I lay there waiting, a message came over the intercom: "OB to the front desk, lower level stat. OB to the front desk, lower level stat."  I could only imagine the scene as a mom urgently starts pushing right there in the main lobby of the hospital - nurses and doctors running around frantically.  I wondered if I could quickly run out of the room and overlook the fiasco before Nate and the technician return.  I'm glad I decided against this "gawker's impulse" and stayed put since she returned in just a few minutes with hubbie in tow.

She squeezed some more goop on my bulging belly and Nr. 2's image came back on the screen. She started at the top of the head and worked her way down.  Nr 2 was laying sideways and in some of the pictures she printed for us you can see the full length, head to toes.  It was amazing!  Then she worked her way down.  Shoulders, abdomin, and as she reached the "private" area she said, "I'll let you guys make the call." And there it was.  Two legs and a little thingy inbetween.  Clear as day - it's a boy!  Nate and I burst out into laughter!  It was amazing! He was not shy at all. 

She printed the photo and I couldn't stop laughing.  I love it!  My little boy.  Another little boy!  It suddenly dawned on me how amazing that is. My boys will be there to protect their mom, to fight with cardboard swords and play in the mud.  To find frogs to show me, to race their trucks and watch Disney's CARS 100 times.  I am so excited for my 2 1/2 year old little toddler.  He is going to love having a permanent buddy to play with. 

I suddenly feel very outnumbered, and I'm loving it!

Sugar is my frienemy

Ah, sugar. How I loath and love you. Diabetic or not, my sweet tooth lives on.

I was diagnoses with Type 1 Diabetes when I was 20 years old. It was a delightful summer. I was newly married, loving our new life and had just lost a bunch of weight without even trying. I was finally back in my "high school jeans" and I truly thought life couldn't be sweeter. I made no connection between the unbelievable thirst, the frequent potty breaks, the sudden need to revisit my eye doctor (a guy I had not seen in over 6 years), or the easily - but much welcome - weight loss. In my mind, none of these things had anything to do with one another. Little did I know, I was a textbook example of a type 1 Diabetic.

In fact my brainy biology undergrad friend Jessica diagnosed me. I was at her place one evening that glorious, skinny summer and we were watching Jaws II. I asked her not to start the movie - I had to pee.  She asked me what I wanted to drink and I must have opted for a sugar-laden drink of some kind or another. Who's counting "calories" when I am dropping weight with so little effort? I went pee, settled into the movie and asked for another glass of pop while I made a bee-line for the washroom half-way through the thriller.

At the end of the movie I got up to use the little girl's room in her apartment for the third time. I must have walked out with a quizzical look on my face because she asked what was wrong. I asked if it was weird that I pee more than a banshee. She said yes and in her best RN voice (she was a nurses' aid on the preggo floor at the hospital at the time) she asked what other symptoms I had.

I told her about the unquenchable thirst and consequently the ridiculously frequent potty breaks. Must be the summer heat, I added. Little did I know it was the other way around: I was peeing so much as a defense mechanism my body devised to get rid of the extra sugar kicking around and therefore I was thirsty.  She reminded me that the "great butt" I've been sporting might be a symptom too.  It suddenly dawned on me - you can't lose weight without trying... there must be something going on.  Don't get me wrong.  I was never fat.  Not even slightly overweight, but we all have that ideal weight - that one pair of jeans you hang on to just in case one day you'll somehow manage to button it up.  And those days that pair was to ONLY pair of jeans that weren't falling off.

Anyways I don't remember whether I also told her about the slightly blurry vision or that the tip of one of my index fingers was sorta numb sometimes. But when she opened up one of her gigantic text books to "Symptoms of Diabetes" I had at least 6 of the 7 symptoms for the past month or so. I left concerned and perplexed. Diabetic? Me?

I got home after midnight and tried to wake my sleeping husband. "Hon, I think I'm diabetic." He mumbled something like "that's nice" and I knew he didn't hear me. I went to sleep.

The next day my doctor confirmed it. Little old me was a diabetic. The test results came it with a fasting blood glucose of 17.3 I think. That is ridiculous considering you're supposed to stay within 4 to 7 ALL THE TIME.

My very old family doctor (he was over 70) put me on pills at first. What was he thinking?! I was a 20-year-old. Clearly a Type 1 Diabetic. I wasn't a pound over-weight - there was no way I was Type 2! I think I saw an endocrinologist within a week or two and he quickly switched me to insulin and needles. Not so fun but I started seeing my sugars comes down and I was glad.

Within a year a friend lent me his old pump (it used to click as it delivered insulin) and then I got my own 3 or 4 months later - a sleek new charcoal “pager” (MiniMed PARADIGM 522) that clips on to the back of my pants or jean pocket.

I was on the pump during my first pregnancy and was able to have my HbA1c results of 5.6% which I worked very hard for. Although my pregnancy was considered “high risk” I was able to have a natural birth (in the hospital of course) with no complications or C-section or nothing else that was crazy invasive. I nursed my little one for about 10 months and he is happy, healthy and amazing! I love, love, love being his mom.

Now our second child is on the way, due Sept 2nd, and so far so good.

I've had many ups and down with this disease. I have a crazy sweet tooth.  My downfall is chocolate.  But I try to keep things in check.  I don't test as often as I should but as long as I have a sensor in - I'm good. They are a pain to keep paying for and would love some free sensors... but such is life. 

I've never fainted or been hospitalized and I praise God for that. I have other diabetic friends who have woken up in the hospital or on the floor at their work surrounded by concerned co-workers. Thankfully that has not happened to me ... yet. While I don't like to say "yet", I understand and expect that at some point or another, we all fall.  Pun intended.

Sacrifice

When pregnant, one is vulnerable to catching a cold from anyone. Be it from the last person who pressed the button on the elevator and then you rubbed you itchy nose, or the mailman that sneezed on your envelops just before depositing them in your mailbox... when you expected a "perfumed" love letter form afar. Or from your toddler, who wants nothing more than to be held and loved while he secretly wipes his snot on your sleeve.

My son had a cold last week. He is slowly getting over it - just as I get under it. I am looking at it as a sort of "transfer" of the cold. And I take the sacrifice willingly if that means my little monkey will stop coughing like an old man. I am a big girl (growing bigger every day actually) and although I can't get all drugged up with the bun in the oven, there are certain things I can take for this cold. OJ is one of these things. Lots of Pulp, Orange Juice. And rest. And I know how to blow my nose in a Kleenex, unlike my little son.

So although I am quietly suffering, I know it is for the greater good. I nursed my son back to health - I am sure. I had to be there for him. How can one stay away from such a little sick body?

No. 2 on the way

When my husband and I were still dating we used to joke we'd have 17 kids. Now as I enter the second trimester of my second pregnancy, I hope we were kidding.

I have been a diabetic for about 5 years this summer.  There are always highs and lows, daily as well as month to month.  Some are better than others. I've always managed it well but I am at my best behaviour when I am pregnant - with good reason.  A tiny little good reason :)

Although my first pregnancy was a walk in the park, this one is quite different. I still don't have morning sickness or any of the horrors many other moms-to-be face... but I have others. The fact that I am working full time as opposed to part-time might have something to do with it. My 2 1/2 year old toddler that I love to chase around after 8 hours of work, might have something else to do with it. But most of all I think trying to bounce back from a year where hubbie underwent chemo has something else entirely to do with it.

Nate was diagnosed with cancer about a year and a bit ago when he was 29. We had just purchased a big new house, Noah just turned one and we were feeling good. We had spent that entire summer and early fall gutting out the house we purchased and restoring it after the fire it endured. We worked together on this "project" side-by-side every day, and things were good. We felt blessed and we were.

We moved in on a Saturday late in September 2008, had a gigantic birthday party for our happy one year old the next day - complete with a bouncy castle and over 40-50 guests - and flew out to Disney on Tuesday. Life was good - fast paced and fun!

Then two days before Christmas that year, Nate went into the ER with chest pain so severe he could not sleep. Within a week we knew it was cancer. A biopsy within the first few days of 2009 confirmed our fear. The pain in Nate's chest was a tumor and the cancer was Stage 2 Hodgekin's Lymphoma.


Telling others was the hardest thing to do. I never quite mastered it but I did keep a check on my emotions. I always went back to the facts. The promises of the Bible.

“Never will I leave you nor forsake it.” Hebrews 13:5

“I am the good shepherd… My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me…no one can snatch them out of my hand” John 10

“Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil for you are with me.” Psalm 23

"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."2 Corinthians 12:9

“So we do not lose heart. Though or outer nature is wasting away, our inner nature is being renewed day by day.” 2 Corinthians 4:16

These verse popped in my mind during these times and it kept me focused. It brought me back to a place at Jesus’ feet where I could trust him.

Nate went through 6 months of chemotherapy and our family felt the side effects both emotionally and physically. Nate, being the man that he is, tried to work full time during the treatment and keep up his Electrical business on the side. Soon he had no choice but to slow down and allow his recovery to be his full time job.

I took a promotion at my company and started working full-time.

All in all, the recovery was surprisingly fast. His first chemo treatment started in February 2009 and by the PET scan in May the cancer was completely gone. The doctors decided to continue with the treatment as planned - until mid July.

Being given the green light that Nate is cancer-free we booked a trip to Europe and scheduled it for most of September. I spent the rest of last summer planning and dreaming about the places we'd go, the things we'd see. We were also excited to visit the families that we have not seen for over 15 years.

Nate was born in Croatia and I was born in Romania. We both immigrated to Canada with our families when we were 10 years old, although 5 years apart.

July came and Nate finished his treatments. The doctors were pretty excited with the results. We had read that Hodgkin's Lymphoma has a good success rate and remission is usually 30-40 years. Regardless of this knowledge, cancer is still cancer and it still rocked us to the core.

We went on our trip to Europe and it was adventurous, exhilarating and fun! We visited 11 countries, saw all the sights, hugged all the relatives - all 40 to 50 of them! We even found a little piece of land we want to own one day in Slovakia.

Nate has not had any chemo treatments for over 7 months. He is slowing working back up to full-time status. Although his business is thriving, he is finding it hard to generate the energy that is necessary to bring his business to the next level. He is much more fatigued than before and is having a hard time keeping motivated and focused. I try to be supportive and loving and I feel horrible when I fail.

We have a good relationship and for that I thank God every day. I was blessed with Nathan as my first love and his adoration for me keeps me going every day. We've been married for six years this summer.  I love him and I know he loves me.  It's wonderful to be part of something that is true and pure.  I cannot imagine my life without him.  He is the reason I am who I am. It all sounds so cheesy but it's truth.

For now all I can do is be a good wife, a great mom and a child in the eyes of God. Everything else usually falls into place.

Everything is okay in the end, if it's not okay, it's not the end.